2013 here i come…

as tumultuous as 2012 was, and has been, i am secretly looking forward to the New Year. secretly daydreaming of the days yet to come. you see, i have these big goals stirring in my head. i want to start new things. i want to finish old. somewhere deep down in my heart and soul i need to erase the past couple of years, of the bad decisions i made on my part. i have a few new dreams. and a couple of opportunities that beckoned.

my dreams of 2013

1.  complete reading goals: 52 books in 52 weeks (includes youth novels read to Scout)

2. start a monthly Kids Craft Club at our local library

3. commit to volunteering to knit hats for preemie babies (haven’t decided on which charity i will work with)

4. continue volunteer work for animal shelter (goal: 4 hours/week)

5. put together cupcake recipe book

6. finish semester #2 of year 2 towards my AA in Animal Sciences

7. knit my top 5 favorites on Ravelry:

a. framed pullover

b. Celestite

c. Coastal Hoodie

d. Sock Yarn Sweater

e. anything from Rebecca Danger’s new book Knit a Monster Nursery

8. join a 5K marathon in 2013

9. weight loss goals: 2012 i lost 29 pounds. 2013 i hope to lose 37 pounds

10. start working with a new church (for personal reasons)

11. with tax return:

a. pay mom back $500

b. pay back college fees $230

c. buy a new camera : a canon eos rebel t3i

d. start a fund for Scout

12. happily celebrate the year with my little family:

a. take our first family vacation

b. spend a weekend at Disneyland (Thanksgiving weekend 2013)

13. put my dreams on paper, yarn, fabric…focus on my art

365 days

it really has been an entire year since i’ve posted. 

twelve months. fifty two weeks. three hundred sixty five days.

some of the past year has been a disaster.

• i started the year off needing to get a Restraining Order against the guy i was dating. the middle of the year was spent trying to put back the puzzle pieces of the life that Shawn and I was once shared. and the end of the year was me grieving because of the heartbreak of a man i thought i could trust for the rest of my life.
• i tried going back to school in the Fall. i’d started out with 12 units which dwindled to 9, to 6, to 3, and then to none. i disappointed myself more than i could imagine.
• in October i lost my apartment. a week later my car was impounded. some of it was due in part to the lack of Shawn’s financial stability in regards to child support. some of it was due to my bad choices. the end result was that the kids and i moved our belongings to a 5 x 10 storage and lived in a motel for seven weeks and my mom’s beat down RV with no electricity or water for a week.
• i kind of lost my mojo. i was hospitalized three times. i stopped knitting for five months. i became too dependent on those little yellow pills that carry a short term cure for relieving anxiety. i lost 42 lbs this year, mostly from working out and walking more but also from the great amount of stress i’ve been dealing with on a daily basis.
• Jem was officially diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. he refuses to take any medications for the hyperactivity. he’s gotten much more physical and violent towards me and Scout. dealing with the middle school system was a nightmare, but high school has been worse as he’s been ditching classes after getting into an altercation in gym class. i question my parenting abilities much more now that he’s fourteen and hitting puberty.

but then some of the year has been absolutely spectacular:

• Scout and i celebrated Christmas together at Disneyland, last year. it was a magical day. her big brown eyes lit up at the sight of Mickey Mouse. she laughed and giggled with other little girls while standing in hour long lines. she fell asleep on the way home, still holding on to her lit up balloon. it was well worth wearing the wrong shoes to walk in and the two bags of Goofy Gummy Ears that i ate.
• i’ve spent more time giving back through my church. i joined the Women’s Ministry. i volunteered to teach arts and crafts during the week long Vacation Bible School that our church organizes every year (two hundred children this summer). sometimes i spend time with the homeless that come to our church Pantry when they come to pick up their baskets of food.
• i’ve spent more time with getting to know Scout. she’s become a very grown up five year old girl. she doesn’t mind rescuing snails and making homes for them in a box filled with grass. she’s learned to make friends with different children despite an onslaught of racist and ignorant comments that have come her way. she makes the people she meets smile, whether it’s the bus driver, the grandparent volunteer who reads stories at our local library, or even her new Kindergarten teacher. i admit that the beauty she exerts makes me cry at times.

what dreams may come:

• i was a week late but i was able to register in the Veterinary Technology program at my local community college and resume the courses that i didn’t finish from about ten years ago. i’m enrolled in 12 units, all of which i can take while Scout is in school and not have to worry about who will watch my kids so i can go to class and study. this is the opportunity i have been looking for to finish school.
• i found a room for rent in the old neighborhood i lived when i met Shawn. there are a few obstacles that need to be tackled: my roommate and i didn’t know we could only have three people in the household. another is that the management company apparently wants to run my credit. obviously i’m hesitant about both. while i’m searching for placement for Jem, i really don’t know if i can find support fast enough. and i know that my credit is not up to par considering some of the financial choices i’ve made in the past year. i’m trying to remain hopeful that we will be able to sort everything out and that we can move past this, quickly.
• i committed myself to volunteering for an animal rescue for the next six months. i will be helping to find homes for rescued animals in the Los Angeles area. 
• i’m determined to learn from my mistakes and work past them this coming year. i want to keep my home. i want to continue my education. i want to separate myself from negative people and live a more positive life. 

after all. i have another three hundred sixty five days to change.

Moving Right Along

I wish that I could tell you that I was busy and productive during my two week hiatus, but I’d be lying. I wasn’t busy. I wasn’t productive, (not much anyway). I wasn’t reading the classics. I wasn’t trying new recipes. I wasn’t folding laundry. I wasn’t really living life. I feel a bit like James Stewart in “Rear Window”, only my neighbors are nowhere near as interesting. And there isn’t a cute little dog that you can tote in a basket.

No, life has been downright b.o.r.i.n.g. I’ve been out of the house three times. Two of those times I fell. The crutches just flew out from under me and somehow I landed on my face the first time. My knee, the second time. So I’ve essentially regressed and am now a total hermit. A boring one at that.

Tuesday just happened to be the day where I decided to take up my knitting needles and make a few stitches. Not too bad, when I ended up with this:

(Sorry for the shabby photo, but I can only move in so many positions now.) He’s the Deadliest Crab from Knitty.com. He’s going to be a birthday present once I finish up the last two back legs and the front claws.

Working on him made me realize a few things.

1. I really need to finish working on my Etsy Orders.

2. The holidays are approaching, a little quicker than anticipated.

So I’ve decided to set up a list of my goals for October. I’m thinking that not only will I be busy and productive, but  I  just might open up my hermit shell and try to enjoy the little things that I can do, not the things that I can’t do.

My October 2009 Goals

1. Finish Christmas Advent Calendar, (I have 12 mini hats with pom-poms to knit).

2. Finish my Vine Yoke Cardigan, (now that Ysolda made the final corrections, I can restart this).

3. Make up for two swaps that I’m incredibly late on: one is a doll and the other is a pincushion.

4. Put together the final touches on the two swaps I’m currently in: one is an Autumn Swap and the other is a Halloween Swap.

5. Sew Scout a trick or treating bag for Halloween. (Lucky for me that I found a cute Halloween costume, at Target, at the end of Halloween last year. Store bought gets me out of handmade this year.)

6. Go to the Saugus Pumpkin Festival. (I can’t wait for this one.)

7. Finish up my Etsy orders, (I currently have about 5 and I’m a little behind since I had surgery during my turnaround time).

8. Try a new recipe.

9. Decorate the house for Autumn and Halloween.

I think that I can do this. I’ll just have to move right along a little bit faster than anticipated. I’m sure I can tackle it.

Shrug it off

Sorry that I’ve been MIA. We’ve had all kinds of crappy things going on here this past week.Beginning with last week, Shawn and I got pulled over because we have a “gangster type” car. We drive a 1986 Lincoln Towncar. Our tags had just expired, but the cop didn’t see the tags since he was in opposite traffic. Anyway, the whole thing was pretty lame. He really was just being an ass. To make matters worse, I didn’t make it to the bank in time to make a deposit. And Shawn was too pissed off to go to the hobby shop to get the parts he needed for his r/c. *sigh*

Then on Wednesday our cable went out due to an outage. Around 12 p.m. our electricity went out completely. (Shawn isn’t too good about paying bills. As you can see. *sigh*) So, I ran around town trying to get the power turned on. It was turned on around 5 p.m., but then out of nowhere our wireless USB stopped working on the computer. Time Warner installed a wireless router in the house, but failed to mention that they don’t work so well on PC’s. So Wednesday I waited around all day for them to come fix the computer. They never showed up! I called and they said that the computer cancelled the work order because it said it “fixed itself”. Needless to say I wasn’t very happy with them. Especially since this isn’t the first, or second, time that I’ve had to call them out. They comped us $60 for the next bill and came out the next day to fix the problem. No more wireless. No more paying for wireless. No more paying for wireless that doesn’t work.

So, to get out this horrible funk and extenuating circumstances that karma seems fit to lay on my doorstep, (what I did, I don’t know), I went and had my nails done yesterday afternoon. (I should say that I did some a lot of retail shopping the other day on Etsy and Ebay.) I also worked on Scout’s shrug which I finished this afternoon:

Doesn’t she look pleased? She had just woken up from her nap and was wondering what that gold shiny thing in my hand was. (Tapestry needle.)

So we tried it on and as you can see, it’s a bit too big in the sleeves.

 

But, that’s ok. She’ll grow into it, rather than me having made a too small shrug that I’d have to frog later, ya know? And she still looks awfully cute, doesn’t she?

 

I am happy to have an FO. It’s nice. Though I still have a few things to do:

• Finish Shawn’s Cobblestone by January 28th, (his 28th birthday)
• Finish the lace edging for the Bed Jacket
• Finish my Dotee doll for Swap-bot swap
• Finish my Wee Kitty for swap, (just need to attach the head to the body and then embellish)
• Make 15 Valentine’s for Jody’s party, (February 10th)
• Make mini Valentine album for Shawn

As you can see I’m busy. Unfortunately this whole depression thing is causing me to start more projects than I finish. So I’ve been trying to focus on one project at a time. I’ve found it incredibly difficult to prioritize when you are an Artist. Too much media, too many patrons, too many ideas. My ideas are what keep me up til 2 a.m. and cause me to try and sleep til 10, (when Scout allows me, of course).

One bit of good news though: I’ve been doing quite well at my diet. I’ve even had a piece of cake and a 1/2 cup of ice cream as treats. I found that if I deny my cravings, then I start to obsess. But I’ve been extremely careful about my calories and fat intake that I think Shawn is ready to throw me off a mountain, poor guy. I decided not to stand on a scale and go by numbers. Instead, I’m going on how I look and how I feel. I think that’s much more important. Just as important as 180 calories in a 1/2 cup of Dreyer’s Turtles Ice Cream.

I have much more to post about, but I’ve decided that I will top posting once a week with really long and probably boring posts. Instead I will post more often about everything. In que: Rowan patterns, new yarn, Etsy purchases, sewing projects and hopefully some more knitting FO’s.