Changing

I feel like my body is betraying me.

Twenty eight years I’ve lived in this body and it’s constantly changing.

My blood feels toxic.

Riddled with pain. Aches. Lumps.

I don’t look forward to waking up.

Me legs are sore.

The cold penetrates my joints.

And yet, I knit.

I knit to forget.

I knit to heal.

I just knit.

norwegianbabycap2

norwegianbabycap3

norwegianbabycap4Norwegian Baby Cap for Scout

US 2 needles

Ella Rae Lace Merino

Ravelry

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1. Oh, I am so conflicted!

2. My mood changes, big and little.

3. During Scout’s naptime, I tend to get things done.

4. Jem has pink eye! ; are you kidding me???

5. Right now I’d like to be vacationing.

6. My Kitchen Aid Mixer is my favorite gadget.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to a quiet evening, tomorrow my plans include whale watching and Sunday, I want to wake up late to breakfast in bed!

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Today

Today is a day filled with mixed emotions. I woke up mid morning to the rhythmic sounds of the falling and rising of Shawn’s light snoring. In a way I was lucky that he stayed home. In a way I’m a bit unlucky. Lucky because most days I miss him and wish that he didn’t have to break his back for the rest of his life to put food on the table and to pay the bills. Unlucky because I could get used to having him home on days he should be at work. We’ve been together a solid three years minus the days I was in the hospital during my surgeries. I’ve never gotten used to the daily humdrum of him leaving at 5 and returning at 3. If I had my way we would spend the rest of our days laying in bed in our pajama’s or taking drives to unknown destinations.

Today is just one of those days. I feel dependent. I feel like there are just too many things to do and there isn’t any time to do any of it. I feel like the past is cloudy and the future bleak. I feel sad and empty yet a bit relieved. You see, we had to take our little bundle of furriness back to her owners the other night. She was sick and it was something that I could not take responsibility for. In so many ways I want to replace her, to make things better. But that is selfish. So I will grieve in all the ways I know how and try to remember the couple of days that she bright light in our lives. I haven’t brought myself to contacting the owners. I don’t want to know the outcome. I want to think that she’s pulling through, maybe running around her with her brothers and sisters. I want to think that she remembers the family who loved her so, even if only for a few brief moments.

I try to fill this void. It’s a difficult task. Sometimes I think I’ll finish the crystal bracelet that needs a few more rows on one side. Or I will start my quilt for the Four Seasons Quilt Swap, even if only to draw out some of my ideas. Maybe I’ll get to scrubbing the bathroom like I’ve intended on for the past couple of weeks.

Instead, I sit. I read. I finished reading The Last Chinese Chef and started ‘Tis. I read other peoples stories because I really don’t want to think of my own. I’ve even managed to watch a few recorded shows on our DVR. “I Love Lucy” can do wonders for ones’ spirits.

I’ve even managed to knit. I finished sock #1 of the Secret Husband Socks and have already started #2. For once I don’t feel daunted by the dreaded second sock. I am also in the process of starting my big project. The one. The one that has Fair Isle and steeks. The one that will fill that bit of emptiness that seems to keep me grounded.

littlebirdslouetgems

Louet Gems Fingering in Caribou, Champange and Navy for Little Birds by Ysolda Teague

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1. It’s January; it’s the beginning of something new.

2. French fries and ice cream is what I crave most right now.

3. Cork and wine go together like peanut butter and chocolate.

4. Sunshine is so nourishing.

5. Let us dare tohope.

6. The wind is whipping around the walls of my home.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to Friday night Stitch and Bitch with friends, tomorrow my plans include going on a Scion cruise with Shawn and Sunday, I want to sleep all day!

{ Ten Things I Love }

Time for reflection during the busy rush of the holiday season. The end of the year parties. Presents to wrap. Portraits to photograph. Cookies to bake. For me, the busy time is well received. I have one more “big” Etsy order and then I can focus on me. My family. No more deadlines. No more procrastinating. More time to do the things that I love for myself. More time for reflection.

swsleeve

{1. Having more time to knit. Having time to work on projects that have been buried. This is the cuff of the sleeve for Snow White.}

{2. Art Therapy and beginning my Happiness Project.}

creamcheesecookie

{3. Cream Cheese Cookies, freshly baked.}

{4. An early Christmas gift from Shawn: He is paying for me to take some one on one sewing classes at the local quilt shop. I’m thinking my first project might be this, this, or this.

pc3

{5. Slowly but steadily making way with my first cross stitch project. The boy is done but for a few accents. I’m currently working on the puppy.}

{6. Acquiring a new pair of sweat pants that were originally intended for Shawn. They are uber comfy!}

decbooklist

{7. My December Book list. Most of it is self help on simple living and growth in marriage. Again, more time to reflect.}

{8. Looking towards the future and new beginnings. Along with sewing classes I’m going to be joining a gym – something that should have happened long ago. I am also attending art therapy and have signed up for a mommy and me gymnastics class. In February I will be returning to school to take French 2. Such possibilities!}

smartowls

{9. Some extra soft fleece with cute little owls ready to be made into a blanket. My mother is going to replace a blanket that someone stole -yes, stole- from me a few years ago. One side will be the owls and the other side will be a chocolatey brown flannel. Something to keep me warm and to wrap comfort around me.}

{10. The beginnings of some new projects.}

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Friday Fill In # 103:

1. Said the night wind to the little lamb, share your fleece on cold nights.
2. The first Noel, the angel did say, love and live freely.
3. Cold and wet white snow, Over the hills and everywhere.
4. It came upon the midnight clear, the brightest Northern star.
5. Give freely, Let your heart be light.
6. And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing loudly and from the heart.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to hot chocolate and fresh baked cookies, tomorrow my plans include baking a kitty cat cake and knitting and Sunday, I want to see Scout’s excitement on her second birthday!

TGIF

Do you remember when channel 7’s Friday slogan was “Thank Goodness It’s Funny”? Well I still prefer Thank God It’s Friday! Though most of my weekend will be spent away from Shawn I have some plans for the next few days. But today, today is a good day. I finished another project last night. In fact I actually accomplished two things.

First is something for Shawn that I can finally show you.

shawnstocking

We’ve been through three Christmases already and he still doesn’t have a stocking – til now. I hand embroidered everything. It was a lot of work but totally worth it.

Close up of the embellishments.

closeupgreen

I love the buttons! I used buttons from my scrapbook stash. I have lots of buttons. Jars of buttons.

I had a chance to work on Scout’s sweater too. I finally got to the cabled section in the back. Just a few inches and I’ll be ready for the fronts and sleeves. I’m not too excited though. You see, when I finish knitting I have to sew a zipper in the front.

cabledjacket1

I’m not anticipating that in the least. But I know once it’s finished it will look beautiful on her. Though she doesn’t need anything to make her beautiful, she’s already trés jolie!

tv

Lately she’s been entranced by the Disney Channel. She loves “Imagination Movers”, “Charlie and Lola”, “Handy Manny” and “Pup Named Scooby Doo”.

My other finished project included finishing a quilt top and backing for the Under the Sea Quilt. I plan on basting it tonight. I’m excited to have this done, it’s absolutely gorgeous.

So Happy Friday everyone. I hope you all have a chance to work on what you love.

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Friday Fill In #99

1. The last band I saw live was Eminem, Xzibit, Ludacris, and Papa Roach, (same concert).
2. What I look forward to most on Thanksgiving is my mom cooking for my birthday, (same day this year).
3. My Christmas/holiday shopping is nil.
4. Thoughts of turkey and turkey gravy fill my head.
5. I wish I could wear boots.
6. Bagpipes are awesome!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to basting my quilt, tomorrow my plans include taking a bead class and Sunday, I want to hang out with my mum.

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Food for Thought

For some unknown reason Fridays seem to the most thoughtful of days. I suppose it’s looking into the near future and preparing for the weekend. All the things we can accomplish! Most of my thoughts lately have been geared to simple living and home life. And I’ve been thinking of how old I feel. Yes, I know 27. Not so old. But 28 is right around the corner and last week I found my first gray hair. Absolutely silly and yet I feel like I’m 87, not 27. I think back to elementary school and sometimes I can remember days clearly. I think to myself, “That was 20 years ago”. Twenty. It doesn’t seem like much when you think of it as a quantity. But with age, it seems like it’s been an eternity.

I’m thinking of the present and the future. All the things I want to do, all the things I want to try. It’s only been a week of this simple living theory and it feels great. I feel rejuvenated. I haven’t been watching much television, though I did queue up the classic movies and watched “Five Will Live” with Lucille Ball and “Gaslight” with Ingrid Bergman last night. I’m reading books and obtaining a completely new education. No one taught be how to be wise with my money, how to raise a toddler or how to make a pie crust. Every day I learn something new.

And I have to say that I learn so much from Flickr. There is an abundance of life being lived out there. A lot of life to be lived in our house.

Friday 10/17

A lot of randomness. I just happen to be a very random person.

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1. Follow the instructions every time.
2. My hair iron is something I always take with me on vacation.
3. To achieve your goals, you must be willing to compromise.
4. I am different is something I’d like you to know about me.
5. I have a  slight Blythe obsession.
6. Root beer floats.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to a Turner Classic Movie night, tomorrow my plans include a picnic at the park and Sunday, I want to get my butt in gear!

Fast Forward to the Weekend

It’s Friday. In about two hours Shawn will walk through the door all stinky and sweaty from work. That is my queue to begin our weekend. Last night, Shawn and I were talking.

I said, “Do you know what I would love to do this weekend?”

He replied, “What?”

I answered, “I’d love to have an entire day when I can just work on all of my projects”.

Whether I will get an entire day or not is yet to be determined. I can assure you that I will keep busy though. Today I’ve been cleaning and trying to organize projects. Yarn needs to go in bags. Paper needs to be cut down. Fabric needs to be ironed. Packages need to be taped and addressed. Chicken needs to be de-boned and put into buttermilk.

My plans include making bags with some of Sandi Henderson’s new Farmer’s Market fabric. The moment I saw the apple fabric online I knew I just had to buy some. I was lucky that the local fabric shop had some in stock, so I bought a couple of yards.

The orange is actually going to be used with the Medocino fabrics I bought a couple of weeks ago. I ♥ the orange and blue theme.

While at the craft store I picked up some Halloween papers and embellishments so that I can make a banner for the house. I love the one I did with Basic Grey papers for Christmas last year and I thought I should make a Halloween themed one for this year. Halloween is probably my least favorite holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I love candy. I love dressing up. However, I’m thinking that hundreds of years ago that Halloween meant something completely different. When you get older the significance of a holiday becomes a little more clear compared to when you are chocolate greedy 7 year old goblin. I’m trying to remedy my dislike of the holiday and get a bit creative.

I have to finish working on the shop sample Jaywalkers. I have to finish the rest of the Pearl Buck Swing Jacket. I have to design a pattern based on a Target sweater. I have to put together the rest of the Purple Quilt top. I have a few sets of stitch markers to make.

And I have this to think about. I missed out on the last round, which ended about two years ago. I was able to get in this time. All my creative juices are flowing. This will also be the last of my swaps I’ll be doing for a while. I took a fairly long break and then overextended myself again with all the great swaps that are out there. They are addicting. Maybe it’s just the feeling you get when you open a present, or maybe just receiving something in the mail.

So with that, I have things to do and people to see. I have a bowling record to break tomorrow night. I have a family I need to spend time with. There is some rest to be had. So have a good weekend and see you on Monday.

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Friday Fill In #92

1. October means that there will be a little rainfall.
2. Bugs and snakes scare me!
3. Leaves are falling all around, it’s getting a little bit cooler.
4. My favorite horror movie is Halloween because Michael Meyers rocks.
5. Baking with my mom = good memories.
6. It was a dark and stormy night and the candles flickered their light.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to homemade fried chicken and mashed potatoes, tomorrow my plans include kicking Shawn’s ass at bowling and Sunday, I want to make magic!

Daydreamin’

Ah, Fridays.

Friday is the best day to day dream about what you are going to be doing during the weekend. Or even day dreaming in general. Lazy days.

Daydream Mosaic

1. Daisy, 2. Milky Way Sugar, 3. Cozy Blanket, 4. Amy Butler’s Little Stitchs, 5. Mom’s Teddy Bear, 6. Chicken and Waffles, 7. Hot Chocolate, 8. Carving Pumpkins, 9. Pink Pearl Stitch Markers, 10. Baking, 11. Home, 12. Cat Mittens, 13. Daffodil, 14. Bed, 15. little Scout, 16. Pierce College

Seems I have a lot on my mind today. Pretty random though. I’m awaiting a long needed weekend. Enjoy yours!

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Friday Fill In, no. 91:
1. Wearing knit socks, carving pumpkins and the cool Autumn weather are some of the things I’m most looking forward to in October.

2. Sometimes I want to run away.

3. Maury Povich and that’s why there is a saying, “never say never”!

4. When I’m down, I cry, curl up in a blanket and eat ice cream.

5. In the kitchen is where you’ll find me most often.

6. A rainy day is good for curling up in bed with the people you love.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to knitting with friends, tomorrow my plans include visiting downtown and Sunday, I want to work on all of my projects!