Today was that day.
The one I will never forget.
Today was the day that I wrapped my Dalton into a fleece blanket and held him tight to my chest. Today was the day I whispered, I love you, I’m so sorry, I wish I could go with you, You’ll be in a better place, You are my best friend, I will never forget you…
I’ve been without him for about four hours now. I feel empty. There is a tugging in my stomach that I can only explain as grief. Pain. And a little anger.
Shawn, Scout and I just returned from the grocery store. He says I need to eat. But I don’t feel like it. There is no food in this world that sounds appealing. I feel like I’m cheating Dalton. Each moment that goes by and he is not here, I die just a little. How long will it take for me to break completely?
I don’t want to be without him. Some people say, “he was just an animal”. But, oh, he was so much more. He was my sounding board. He was the friend who knew how to read my emotions. When I was sad he’d jump in bed with me. He’d headbutt me. He’d give me a love bite on the chin, ever so gently. He knew how to make me smile. Who will make me smile like that now?
As we came out of the grocery store the sky was alight with every color ever made. The pinks, peaches, golds, blues, grays. It was hard to tell where the sky stopped and the mountains started. I knew in that moment, that’s where Dalton is.
My best friend.
I miss him.
I don’t know how to do anything without him.
I just have to keep looking to that sky.