everything

it’s always everything, isn’t it?

life has caught up with me, yet again. i find myself knee deep in holiday projects, reading multiple books, loads of laundry, picking up and dropping off two children at various events, rescuing kittens, another bout of ECT and therapy…the list goes on. and that’s only the beginning.

our youth group leader is expecting twins, so there’s been baby knitting.

{ baby aviatrix in madelinetosh sport “candlewick” }

then there was some “i’m really bored but i’m not sure what pattern to choose” knitting:

{ joelle hoverson’s “last minute knitted gifts” chevron scarf in madelinetosh sock “fig” and mama blue simple merino “algae” }

and last sunday we celebrated scout’s baptism:

i spent one week at cedars-sinai, in los angeles, before i had enough “rest”. i finished two novels: “plain truth” by jodi picoult and “carrot cake murder” by joanne fluke. i’ve moved on to chapter six of “a confident heart” by renee swope and just started reading “made to crave”.

my upcoming schedule includes everything. making crock pot apple butter, knitting one more set of baby booties and matching aviatrix hat for the second twin, attending bible study classes on tuesday mornings, taking scout to the tone chimer’s group on sundays before sunday school, three times a week electroshock therapy appointments, a financial aid meeting to hopefully help with finances for school next semester, continuing my online bible study, wrapping up a halloween swap, sewing scout’s christmas dress, making christmas gifts for the family.

well you get the idea.

it’s everything.

and i wouldn’t change it a bit.

mrs. moneybags

scout needed a little swag for all the money she’s been earning by being a big helper girl. i threw together a little clutch to hold her treasures but i think a bag to match might be in the making too.

{fabrics by moda}

chunky munky

i’ve actually been getting some knitting done. miraculous considering life has once again gotten chaotic and busy. nevertheless, i finished my tea leaves cardigan (don’t have any great photos of the sweater to share, yet), and my chunky munky (another cute design by rebecca danger).

i mean, everyone needs a little munky in their life, right?

dressed up

finally got the little push i needed to figure out how to put this top together for scout. it only took me months but what’s a few months? she was sporting her new top when it was all sunny and bright this morning. very spring-ish.

{ using an amy butler print that i bought last year }

{ the matter of fact pose }

{ ruffle-ness}

in the end it all became clear, but the instructions weren’t very clear with me. maybe because i’m really not a seamstress. sure i can put a few things together every now and again, but i have to take comfort that i’m just a knitter. yes, just a knitter. { smile }

effort

effortless took a little effort. not because it’s difficult, but because life has become difficult and my knitting time has been next to nothing.

all the same, it’s finished. and i’ve been wearing it everywhere.

.effortless cardigan by hannah fettig.

madelinetosh dk in stovepipe (six skeins)

mods: instead of a three inch collar i actually continued knitting till the skein was finished which proved to be a plus. when i had tried it on at the three inch mark, you could tell that the ribbing wasn’t long enough. i believe it’s about six inches and it really makes the difference.

♥

.home.

the move was hasty, not everything made it. but the kids are here and that is what’s most important. so much has been going on but nothing very interesting to report.

i had to drop my classes due to the move. i’m pretty bummed out, but february will be here quicker than expected and i’ll be back to the daily grind of notebooks, index cards, highlighters and all night study sessions soon enough.

thanksgiving was, for the most part, quiet and uneventful. i didn’t burn the rolls this year.

my 30th birthday was peaceful. i spent a good portion of my check on some madelinetosh merino light and sweetgeorgia tough love sock (in a purple colorway, believe it or not). i also went to my favorite bakery (ok, my second favorite bakery) and got a delicious sandwich and box of goodies.

{delicious knee socks in sweetgeorgia tough love sock in blackberry}

{solstice steve from rebecca danger’s holly,ivy, steve mini monster ornaments.}

as you can see, there’s been knitting.

a lot of knitting.

and you know what? it feels good.

it feels good to be home.

 

 

Busy Work

That’s what a lot of my life has been consisting of since Friday. Busy work. I have some good news and I have some bad news as well.

I’ll start with the bad and then work my way up. As many of you know I’ve had a lot of emotional problems in my life. Unfortunately it seems like some of the problems have been genetically transferred to Jem and he suffers from ADD and another condition called ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder, it’s considered a mood disorder). The past few months Jem’s behavior has escalated from bad to worse. There have been empty threats at sending him to military school (I’m not in a financial position) or having the police arrest him for the things he’s been doing (mainly, he’s been physical towards Scout and he is 100 lbs. larger and 9 years older). Friday was not a good day for him and it exploded out of control around 5:00. Long story short the sheriffs picked him up and transferred him to a children’s psychiatric facility so that they could monitor his medications and confirm his diagnosis. I’ve met with another therapist (this will be the third that’s made this comment) that believes that Jem might have a mild case of autism. It shows with his social development and relationships. While it scares me, that word, it brings me some relief because maybe that is what’s really wrong and we’ve been treating him for the wrong malady. I don’t really know. I do know that I want Jem to get the help he needs because he obviously doesn’t want it from me. And I now that as often as I ask for “peace and quiet”, when he asks me what I want, I’d much prefer to be arguing with him than for him to be so far away and me feeling helpless.

The good news is that Shawn and I have been communicating a little more. We had a little bit of a problem with him not calling when he said he would which causes a lot of anxiety for me. But yesterday he came over in the afternoon and we had a wonderful time watching TV and “The Warriors” on DVD. I grilled some sirloin steaks and corn and for dessert we had chocolate shakes from Jack in the Box (I had  a buy one, get one coupon). He spent the night and I ended up waking up right before he left for work, it was like old times. I’m hoping the more that we work on our relationship the sooner he will realize that he wants to be home permanently.

In the meantime I’ve spent a lot of time using my sewing machine. Maybe it’s because I don’t normally have a lot of chances at it. Yesterday I got busy making a Barbie doll for Scout using the new Wee Wonderfuls: 24 New Dolls to Sew and Love.

{ Barbie }

Made using 100% wool felt and Michael Miller cotton prints.

Eyes and mouth are both hand embroidered.

I modified the dress, instead of hand sewing gathering stitches I decided to make a casing and add some elastic. It has the same effect. I also omitted the collar for the dress. The next one will have a more “professional” outfit. Yes, there will be another one. Barbie needs friends, you know?

Focus

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. Life here has taken another high on the rollercoaster of life. Yesterday I went to a Dr. appt. where they suggested a day treatment program to manage my anxiety. (I don’t think so.) Then I went to the library and paid my $23.81 fine for a book that Rogue ate. (I never did read the book.) Then Shawn and I got into a fight but then we talked later. (His communication has been lacking the past couple of days.) As my mom and I stopped at the bank to grab some cash her car broke down. While we should have been driving to my Dr. who is supposed to be taking x-rays of my right shoulder because Rogue pulled too hard and now it’s very painful.

All of that I could handle. What I couldn’t handle was Jem. Over the past few weeks, he’s been progressively acting out. This time he took it upon himself to try and discipline Scout (which she wouldn’t hear of). I made the decision to have the police get involved. Maybe I’m wrong. I don’t know. I do know it’s been the hardest decision I’ve had to make. Choice A: Go to a psychiatric hospital to have him evaluated and stabilized (since we aren’t sure if the meds are even helping him). Choice B: Press charges against him for battery and have him processed in the juvenile system. I chose A because I think someone needs to help him emotionally. I always ask for peace and quiet, but it’s too quiet without him. I miss my little baby. He may not be so little, but he’s still my baby boy. This has been very hard on everyone.

On a lighter note, I have been focusing on everything else. Whether it’s bleaching the walls or choosing a color scheme for the living room. I’ve been browsing Etsy for wall art and have started to make some of my own.

A little of my handiwork:

{hand drawn little bird with three hearts using Vineyard Merino}

{love in a nice cherry red Vineyard silk}

{a new pillowcase for my bedroom}

{with a cute little ruffle}

{a yellow bird gathered clutch, for my school supplies}

I also cut two dresses and made them into summer blouses. And I hemmed the recycled denim skirt that had began to collect dust on my dining room table.

In the works: little bird patchwork wall hanging, a wool feltie doll from WeeWonderful’s new book, writing chore charts for Jem, painting the living room, knitting Mara, and hopefully (cross your fingers because I could use extra prayers) I’ll be spending some time with Shawn. I could really use a shoulder to lean on. If only for a little while. Until Jem comes home.

Sew Much

I woke up this morning with some motivation. I’m not sure what my inspiration was. All I know is that I had this intense desire to sew today. My sewing machine hasn’t been used (by me) in at least two three months. I dug out some fabrics that I had bought in the Spring and decided to make myself a little zippered bag because Rogue ate the plastic one I used to contain my cosmetics. (She loves chewing on plastics.)

I decided on the Michael Miller fabrics I bought because the hedgehogs are too hard to resist. I mean, they are hedgehogs! And then stumbled upon this tutorial. It stands to reason that they’d go hand in hand.

So I began my journey. Ironing, cutting, threading…and then on to the little hedgehogs.

Filled up with my make up.

The inner lining.

And because I’d had a very hard day dealing my anxiety, a treat perked me right up. (I love the knock of the mail man as he hand delivers me a package.)

And I love the hand delivered packages Scout brings me. I like them best when they aren’t little creatures.

Something

Something is better than nothing (in most cases). So this is the best that I can do under the circumstances.

What circumstances are they? you would ask.

And I would reply:

• I’ve been having a lot of anxiety lately and have had to call the paramedics due to a severe anxiety attack.
• My insomnia has been causing many restless nights. And my mania has been controlling my every move.
• I have not been able to register for my pre-requisites in the Nursing program and won’t be able to register for another week! The first Anatomy class I wanted (it would have given me the perfect class schedule) only has 5 spaces available and they only have room for 26 in each class. I feel like I’m doomed, but I have to get this done.
• I’m awaiting a loan and as money can do, it seems to spend itself before it’s even gotten to my bank account. It seems like there is an overhelmingly large amount of bills lately. I don’t know how much exactly. I just know I don’t like to look at the totals.
• And finally, and most importantly, Shawn has decided to come home. I don’t want to say too much because the situation is highly personal. Needless to say that he’s decided he wants to be with me again. It’s a very emotional time for me and I’m having a hard time with the nervousness of my overanalyzing brain. I’m looking hard into counseling. I hope that we can find someone who will help us move on and repair the damage that’s been caused.

I’m sure you’d all expect that I was just a zombie like creature getting by day by day. I’ve done quite a bit around the house and I have very creative plans. Much of it includes painting, new beds and a sewing nook. And while my sewing has gone by the wayside (you should have seen how dusty my sewing machine was), I did finish up a knit baby blanket that I started in April. The baby was born just a few days ago, though the intended little boy was actually a 7 lb. baby girl. I hope that she will find comfort in the blanket I made. I actually made it for her grandpa. He wanted me to make her something special and that really warms my heart right now.

{ Fan and Feather Baby Blanket}

Red Heart Eco Ways in Oyster, approximately 5.5 skeins

US 7 needles.

Edging is garter stitch.